The FIVE most IMPORTANT BLOGGING TIPS… Like.. EVER!

So you’ve created a blog and got some posts up and running!

Good for you!  You’re now officially a member of the Blogging Community!

Just one problem.

You have absolutely ZERO TRAFFIC!

No one even knows about your blog right now.  No matter how amazing and awesome your latest post was, no one will ever read it if they can’t find the URL.

Here are the FIVE most Important Blogging Tips you should live by if you want your blog to grow!

#5 Get Noticed!

Getting noticed in the blogging world might seam like a daunting task! When everyone and their mothers are out there, right now, creating the next big blog, your sitting here thinking of how to get yours noticed.

Stop that right now!

You want people to notice you, you need to get out there in their faces and make them see you.

Sign up for every social media site you can come up with.

Twitter, Facebook, Google+…  Even grab a Myspace page!  Hard to believe, but people actually still use Myspace!  Not me though, you’d never catch me on that site again, but some people.

Once you’ve signed up, it’s time to start “Pushing” your site to everyone you can find.

First off, invite all your friends, family, people you happened to run into at the store.  EVERYONE!

If you have someones email, screen name, even phone number!  Send them an invite to see your blog and of course sign up and follow you on EVERY social media site you’ve got!  If they haven’t followed you within the hour, go to their house and ask them why they haven’t.  It’s very difficult to say no in person so this will surely get you lots of followers!

Once your circle of friends have followed you it’s time to reach out and make new friends.

Find any accounts which have a large fan base and start posting links to your blog all over their wall to their followers.

You’re going to get a lot of strongly worded responses from some of these users, but don’t let that discourage you.  They’re just jealous of how amazing your new blog is and they’re scared of losing followers to you!

The blogging community is EXTREMELY competitive and “Cut Throat”!

 

 

#4 Start a Vlog

A vlog is essentially just a video version of your blog.  Pretty obvious really!  What are you stupid?

Creating a successful vlog is very similar to creating a successful Blog only it’s WAY easier.

All you need is a camera and a YouTube account for this.  Some “Vloggers” like to tell you that a simple script is important as well, but I’m here to tell you that that is all nonsense.

To make a really successful video it’s better to just hit record and start talking about anything and everything that you can think of.

The internet LOVES randomness!  Seriously!   Every time I’ve seen a young girl vlogging on YouTube they always say how Random they are!  If the kids are doing it, you know it’s the cool and trendy thing to do!

In fact, if you can insert a popular MEME into your Vlog that’s even better!

#3 MEME’s are important… I guess!

Meme’s are everywhere online!  I’m serious, they’re EVERYWHERE!

You can’t go on a social media site without being bombarded them.

I strongly suggest posting Meme’s all the time to get more exposure.

Everyone must have REALLY loved the Drew Carey Show!

 

 

#2 Everyone LOVES quotes!

If you’ve spent any time on social media, you’ll notice those little freaks LOVE quotes!

You can’t scroll half a page on twitter without seeing at least two!

So why not add fun quotes to your blog site to further entertain your readers?

I suggest adding fun pop-ups to surprise your followers ever few seconds with a new quote.

People like getting surprises too so they’ll love having a new pop up ever so often.  Think of them as little gifts for your readers to brighten they’re day.

 

#1 Read other peoples Blog!

Not only read them, but comment on them!

Finding a very successful blog out there is like finding an untapped gold mine.

Go through that blog and link to your blog in every comment section you can find!  The more people that see YOUR URL, the better!

Of course this tends to upset that blogs owner, which is weird being that you’re actually IMPROVING their site by associating it with your own awesome work!

In fact, you should be sending that blog owner an invoice for the work you put in to make their blog look good!

 

By following these FIVE Blogging tips for a SUCCESSFUL BLOG, you’re bound to become the blogging powerhouse you’ve always dreamed of becoming!

 

Hopefully I don’t have to point out that this post is 100% Satire and is not meant to be taken seriously in ANY way.  By following these steps you’ll most likely ruin your blog and become a social media outcast.  Where the only safe place left for you online would be a Myspace Page *Shutter*.

DO NOT FOLLOW THESE TIPS!  (Except maybe #3…  Mimi was hilarious!)

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